Remembering Liza

Help Stop Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Abuse Might Include: 

  • Hitting, shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, or choking you.
  • Threatening to hurt or kill you.
  • Calling you names or telling you that you are crazy.
  • Criticizing things you do or say, or criticizing how you look.
  • Hurting your pets or destroying things special to you.
  • Blaming you for the abuse he or she commits.
  • Limiting where you can go, what you can do, and who you can talk to.
  • Unexpectedly checking up on you at your workplace, home, school, or elsewhere.
  • Forcing you to have sex against your will.
  • Apologizing and telling you it will never happen again (even though it already has).
  • Source: WebMD (link to page)

Warning Signs

Does your spouse or significant other exhibit the following behaviors? 

  • Embarrass, belittle or put you down?
  • Say hurtful things to you?
  • Dislike your friends and family and discourage your relationships with others?
  • Make all the decisions in the relationship?
  • Chastise you after social functions for talking with other people?
  • Act jealous of people you talk to?
  • Blame you for his or her mistakes?
  • Try to make you feel worthless or helpless?
  • Forbid or prevent you from working or going to school?
  • Keep money, credit cards, and checking accounts away from you?
  • Control access to your medicines or medical devices?
  • Threaten to have you deported?
  • Throw dishes or other objects?
  • Abuse your children or pet when mad at you?
  • Push, slap, kick, or otherwise assault you?
  • Demand sex, make you perform sexual acts you are not comfortable with, or sexually assault you?
  • If any of these behaviors are occurring, you need to seek help immediately.

Abuser Profile

Recognizing the general tendencies of an abuser 

  • Has an uncontrolled temper.
  • Has a very short fuse and becomes immediately angry.
  • Has poor coping skills.
  • Can be unreasonable and demanding at times.
  • Can give mixed messages... pendulum swings from loving to abusive.
  • Denies that the abuse has occurred or makes light of a violent episode.
  • Blames the victim, other people or outside events for the violent attack.
  • Prone to extreme jealousy.
  • Abusers don't act because they are "out of control."
  • They make conscious decisions to behave in a violent manner.
  • They are not acting out of anger.
  • They are not reacting to stress.
  • They know what they're doing and what they want from their victims.
  • They express remorse and beg for forgiveness with seemingly loving gestures.
  • Can be hard workers and good providers.
  • Can be witty, charming, attractive and intelligent.
  • A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse, abandonment issues.
  • Unrealistic expectations of a relationship (to "fix" them or solve their problems).
  • Isolation and antisocial temperament.
  • Recklessness (dangerous sexual behavior, reckless driving, drug use etc.)
  • Inability to accept responsibility for their behavior and actions, even in the face of dire consequences.
  • Cruelty to children and animals.
  • Threats of violence.
  • Low self-esteem, shame.
  • Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries, a compulsion to violate boundaries.
  • Emotional volatility - fear of being "out of control".
  • Need for power and control to compensate for the above.
  • Abuse generally escalates when the victim leaves.
  • Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma based adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse.